I bet he comes in French.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
