What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
