fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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