How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
