Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize