Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
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The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
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The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize