I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
