All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All I want is dick and wine.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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