can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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