her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
