Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
