do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dicks are not precious.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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