dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
