I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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