Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Girls should come with a carfax report
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
