i need an iv and a liver transplant
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize