Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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