Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
