And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
