he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
