we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.