I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
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Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
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Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.