Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'

(617): View more from Massachusetts

we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see

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(651): View more from Minnesota

glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.

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(315): View more from New York

dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you

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19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Read it at the TFLN blog
(206): View more from Washington

and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

There is a pube in my fucking eyeball

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.

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(207): View more from Maine

RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR

(207): View more from Maine

THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK

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