Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
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