party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
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I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Im part way to drunk.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves