I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Randomize
