Already got asked if we're dating
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.