It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
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I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
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you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.