The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
