Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
