When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
