I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize