I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
