No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
