You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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