I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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