I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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