Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
