She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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