the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
