I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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