his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
