But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
