i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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