You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
