At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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