somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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