I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
