I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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