I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i will never coherently bang her
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
