I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
