this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
