Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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