Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
