You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
