I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
