She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
