tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
