She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
