you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
