apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just blew my weed a kiss
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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