home. puking in laundry basket.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
