what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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