talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
