this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
