Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
