Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
