I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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