Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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