just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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