wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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