my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
