Less talking, more tequila
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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