he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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